📪 Hello hello my friends, your stoic-existentialist-impressionist random guy is here.
If you did not get your 145-page free Stoic Guide please go here and send me an access request.
If you are enjoying what you are reading, you can:
and with 2 coffees I will send out to you my book “Happy Anyways” as my way of saying thank you to you.
You can read the first part of the book here.
🧠 Nugget of the Week
Edith Eger is a psychologist and author who was born in Slovakia in 1927. When she was 16 years old, she and her family were sent to a concentration camp during the Holocaust. Edith was one of the few survivors of Auschwitz, and after the war, she moved to the United States to start a new life. She became a psychologist and worked with people who had experienced trauma or mental health issues. In 2017, she wrote a book about her experiences called "The Choice: Embrace the Possible". Edith is known for her message of hope and resilience, and she continues to share her story with others.
I used short version of this quote for my earlier issues, it seemed relevant to remind this here again. You cannot compare and contrast your pains with someone else. This is like a rule number one of healthy friendship. You are there to listen, give a shoulder and advice (if asked) . Do not make yourself the culprit in this relationship by trying to underestimate your pain in the face of the pain of others. Each person has their own little simulation world, and your simulation may not have expanded that much yet. It may never expand either.
This quote also reminds me another great observation from Tolstoy:
All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, 1878)
Every happy person is alike, every unhappy person is unhappy in her own way. Be respectful for your and someone else’s misery. Do not be in a relationship where your problems are undervalued.
🧱 Link Bundle
1️⃣ I loved this article. There are tons of ways we can show our kindness to the world. And if you are thinking love is the core meaning of this world, your kindness has a strong potential to spread it.
My fav ways from the article to show kindness:
Tell a teenager: “You are so brilliant. I can’t wait to see who you become. And I love who you are right now.”
Tell your mom (or someone who feels like your mom): “You raised me right. Here is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from you: _______________.” [fill in the blank]
When a friend tells you a piece of good news, respond with sincere enthusiasm. Make a fuss over them and say, “This is amazing news. We need to celebrate!” Whether it’s a new job, big client, moving to a new home, or something else, plan a celebration for your friend and do something to mark the moment. (Often, we rush through life so quickly and forget to take time to pause and acknowledge our victories. Helping a friend celebrate is such a generous gesture.)
2️⃣ I could not see my country Turkey here in the list, but love the visual. Japan, Singapore, South Korea and Germany is leading the list of powerful passports. Geography is destiny I suppose. I have prepared 150-pages of documents to get 1-month of visa from Netherlands. Here we need John Lennon entering :
“Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too”
When Lennon, when? After I die?
3️⃣ You know I am fond of talking on the subject of happiness. If you get bored and say “there is no point talking about it because it is like orgasm; the more you talk about it the quicker it vanishes”, you are absolutely right. However let’s check and save this article somewhere. Good roundup of knowledge there. You can also find these in my book “Happy Anyways”.
My highlights:
Factors that don't correlate much with happiness include: age, gender, parenthood, intelligence, physical attractiveness, and money (as long as you're above the poverty line). Factors that correlate moderately with happiness include: health,13 social activity, and religiosity. Factors that correlate strongly with happiness include: genetics, love and relationship satisfaction, and work satisfaction.
Genes account for about 50% of the variance in happiness. The most tantalizing fact I have learnt way back I researched happiness.
So which personality traits tend to correlate most with happiness? Extroversion is among the best predictors of happiness, as are conscientiousness, agreeableness, self-esteem, and optimism.
Happiness is relative in another sense, too: it is relative to your expectations. We are quite poor at predicting the strength of our emotional reactions to future events. We overestimate the misery we will experience after a romantic breakup, failure to get a promotion, or even contracting an illness. We also overestimate the pleasure we will get from buying a nice car, getting a promotion, or moving to a lovely coastal city. So: lower your expectations about the pleasure you'll get from such expenditures.
4️⃣ I have found you another your-only-needed-guide-to-X-subject article and X is sleep right now. Andrew Huberman is a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford University. He received his undergraduate degree in neurobiology from UC San Diego and his PhD in neuroscience from Stanford. He is a popular science communicator, hosting a podcast called "The Huberman Lab" and frequently appearing on various media outlets to discuss neuroscience topics.
Huberman suggests:
View sunlight by going outside within 30-60 minutes of waking. Do that again in the late afternoon, prior to sunset.
Wake up at the same time each day and go to sleep when you first start to feel sleepy.
Avoid caffeine within 8-10 hours of bedtime.
Keep the room you sleep in cool and dark and layer on blankets that you can remove.
Kids (and indeed all of us) have changing sleep needs over time. Adjust accordingly.
We might be night owls at 15 but become “morning people” as we age or need 6 hours a night in summer and 7-8 in winter. It will vary.
Here is the full episode:
5️⃣ Oh dear God I love listicles, yeah again. Here you will find 41 rules/mantras for your life. My fav 4:
“Emotional outbursts and anger rob us of the present. “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
“Knowledge is reality — to improve your reality, upgrade your knowledge.” (Dude, read that sentence again. Do not ever settle for what you have learned up until this point go for more, hunger for more.)
“You cannot control what others think, say or do: let that guide your expectations of people.” (Focus on what you can control our master Epictetus said, long live the master !)
Define your values, ethics and principles for life — they are the foundation for living your best possible life. (I have been telling this for 43 issues now, please people get your principles and values together. Do not go to somewhere, go exactly there)
6️⃣ I loved this site which presents life manifestos from all kinds of people.
My fav manifesto:
7️⃣ This playlist will make you fall in love with Brazil’s music. I have gone from one memory to other, mostly from the summer vacations in my childhood.
8️⃣ These days, I am more curious to learn history and how West rules the world, for now at least.
From 1800 to 1914, during which Europe's control over the world increased from 35% to 84%.
Imperialism 2.0: New way of taking over the world fueled by technology and cooperation between empires.
In 1884, all these big African hungry European empires get together in Berlin.
Anyone in Europe who didn't have an empire yet got invited.
Crucially, they didn't invite any African leaders.
They divide up the map on who gets what, leave the conference, and they get to work.
Guns, steamboats, technological advancements, railroads helped Europeans conquer Africa.
Up until 1914, Europeans had a good time then they pointed the guns to each other.
Western-schooled local elites in Africa Colonies decided that they didn't want to be ruled by foreign forces anymore. They were able to rally their people around common language and birth to national identity that didn't include being ruled by white people from some faraway continent.
9️⃣ Let’s allocate number 9 of this post’s link to the some great tweets I have saved recently.
🔟 If you are looking for a good film to watch with your partner over a wine here is a superb list. My favs:
Downfall of SVB has been a hot topic lately. This video is a quality watch to understand what had just happened.
Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) has collapsed, making it the second biggest bank collapse in U.S history.
When we put money into a bank, they only have to keep 10% of that money in their actual vaults.
They use 90% of our deposited money to invest and make more money through loans with interest rates.
What SVB has done:
They invested a lot of their customer's money in government bonds, which is a safe investment.
SVB bought these bonds when rates were very low.
Economist expected a rate hike of three-quarters of a percent to help drive down inflation. The government starts to raise interest rates to stabilize the economy.
SVB's customers are startups that deposit money into SVB so that they can operate and invest with it.
During an economic downturn, startups haven't been able to raise as much money, so SVB hasn't had as much money coming in the door.
They start pulling on their reserves and realize they need more cash to meet all their needs and withdrawals.
They sell off some of their bonds at a loss because they need cash in reserves.
SVB announces that they're selling off some bonds early at low-interest rates because they need cash in reserves due to withdrawals from customers.
They sell off too many bonds at once, leading them to announce that they're raising money from other investors as well.
Founders and venture firms start talking about what's going on with SVB since they're all part of the same community.
Customers withdrew 42 billion dollars from SVB, causing a run on the bank.
A story that unravels like a sock.
📚 Book Summary of the Week
I learnt who Publis Syrus was from Chat GPT, after coming across his book while I was looking for some books filled with ancient wisdom.
Publius Syrus was a Latin writer, born in Syria around the first century BCE. He was a slave who was brought to Rome, where he gained his freedom and became a renowned writer of mimes, short plays that used gesture and action rather than words to tell a story.
Syrus is best known for his collection of witty and insightful sayings, known as the Sententiae, which were widely read and quoted in ancient Rome. These sayings cover a wide range of topics, from friendship and love to politics and human nature, and are often characterized by their brevity and pithiness.
Many of Syrus's sayings have been translated into English and continue to be widely quoted and referenced today. Examples of his famous sayings include "A good reputation is more valuable than money," and "A rolling stone gathers no moss."
Most of his sentences caught me off guard to be honest. It felt like everything there is to say was already said in Ancient times.
1. As men, we are all equal in the presence of death.
3. Allay the anger of your friend by kindness.
7. To do two things at once is to do neither.
11. Hard is it to correct the habit already formed.
15. Even when we get what we wish, it is not ours.
19. An angry lover tells himself many lies.
28. If you cannot bear the faults of a friend, you make them your own [because you have not the charity to correct them].
35. Adversity shows whether we have friends, or only the shadows of friends.
49. A wise man rules his passions, a fool obeys them.
88. He who cannot give; should not receive.
96. Past happiness augments present wretchedness.
104.Better be ignorant of a matter than half know it.
108. A good reputation is more valuable than money.
119. The remedy for wrongs is to forget them.
144. Society in shipwreck is a comfort to all.
237. Even when there is no law, there is conscience.
292. Groans show the pain but do not remove it.
314. How difficult is it to keep the glory acquired!
323. We die, as often as we lose a friend.
474. He should be called bad, who is good only for selfish ends.
596 We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
597. Do not suppose everything will come to pass as you have arranged for it.
830. No one knows what he can do until he tries.
831. It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.
1089. A rolling stone gathers no moss.
🦉 Stoic Lesson of the Week #3
“If you kiss your child or your wife, say to yourself that it is a human being that you’re kissing; and then, if one of them should die, you and then, if one of them should die, you won’t be upset.”
— Epictetus, Enchiridion, 3
Lesson three: Remind yourself of the impermanence of things and all the living beings. There will be a last time you kiss your children, mow your own backyard, drink your coffee. Always remember there will be a last to every first.
There is a strange feeling in this quote. First of all, this prepares you for getting ready to lose something. You dearest cup, bag, shoes, basketball, friend, parent whatever you name it. Imagination is what sets us apart from other mammals. We as people can create scenarios in our head and picture the worst. imagine your partner leaving you. How does it hurt? Why did he/she leave you? What should you do with all the pain you have left from the break-up? What are the possible exit ways?
Second of all, this works as a meditation. The foundation of meditation relies on you realizing your wholeness. Your breath, your consciousness, your body parts. You feel everything about you and around you. You pay attention. This quote helps you pay attention more. There is always a last time to something.
William Irvine states that you may imagine from time to time that this is your last time doing something. “The solution, Irvine suggests, is to frequently imagine that this is the last time, even when it’s probably not. A few times a day, whatever you’re doing, you assume you’re doing that thing for the last time. There will be a last time you sip coffee, like you’re doing now. What if this sip was it? There will be a last time you walk into the office and say hi to Sally. If this was it, you might be a little more genuine, a little more present.”
🦋 Poem of the Post
Let’s do something different(!) this post and take a poem out of our great Mary Oliver’s brain.
🦋 Series of the Post
I love comedies with episodes under 30-35 minutes. Is it very funny, no? Is there a very good story? No. But there's Jason Segel. And that, along with my memories of HIMYM, makes the show beautiful to me. And Harrison Ford. It was my first time to watch him in the series, I don't know if he has acted before in one. Shrinking is an enjoyable series to watch when you don't know exactly what you want to do, when you are useless. I should remind you again that I am not objective.
Here are some quotes I noted down:
Paul: Gaby. Marriage is an institution that was created back when people died young. It was built on land ownership and procreation. These days, it’s mainly used to subjugate women and sell air fryers.
Paul: Nobody gets through this life unscathed. Not you, not me, Mr. Shaky Hands. But then you’re left with a choice. Are you going to let your grief drown you, or are or are you going to face it and come through the other side?